Tu saala kaam se gaya!

Happy Children's Day to all the people like me.

If you have seen Love Aaj Kal, Saif and Deepika had a party for their break up. Eventually they met again. I wished to have a party for my break up as well but I am avoiding any party as of now because who knows, in future, I might have to turn back again. I hope not. This Is It. It’s time to move on.

So uncle title se samajh aagaya hoga ki I have broken up with my job. Yes, I had to prepare little bit to talk to the boss and make him understand why I want to quit. Although there could have been scenes like him throwing his shoe at me or using the chair for a better effect but he didn’t as my reason for leaving was good enough. So I am B.E. again. Berozgar Engineer.

Although in some rare cases, people do get attached to their jobs. I did not. Slightly? yeah Slightly.. This job had some different kind of work as compared to the one I should have been doing. But thanks to this work, not only I have learnt n number of new things, things I liked and but finally I have got a direction. This direction is bit dangerous and challenging. But what’s life without challenges. And I am going to try for it. I might fail but it’s worth trying. Waise bhi, ab toh aadat see hai mujhko, fail hone ki :P But I will not give up this time. Will try I mean. :)

So, I worked here for 14 months 3 days to be exact. Met so many new people. Made friends and came to know what kind of colleagues and people I am going to see in future. One experience is that your colleagues are just your colleagues. It’s a rarity if they turn into friends. Although all the people I met here can be classified into latter category. Simple people. Mango people. But they are colleagues after all.

I have no regret in saying that my boss(es) were the best bosses you can get. I can say with 100% confidence that I will not get so friendly people in future. Normally you relate boss with one with strict voice, frustrated face and zero knowledge. The one who cribs at you all the time, asks err.. orders you to attend dinner with him on a daily or nightly basis if you happen to be a ‘kacchhi colleague’ (my way of referring to a female employee). Like they show in movies. But my experience was thankfully good.

So what next? Good question Charlie. Well, a bad news for my fans all over, I will be OFFLINE since 15th-20th November 2009. Why? Just because I have been working non-stop for 14th months. I started just after my college ended. So I want to see how it feels to be a vella/recession affected engineer.

Will see the Internet again soon. Sorry fans. :)

Take care people. Watch out for 17th November Night. There could be fireworks!

P.S.: Thanks Arpita, Rahul, Meeta, Sunil Bhaiyya, Garima, Kaushal, Ankit, Surbhi, Ishita, Deepesh, Pooja, Abhigyata, Ashish, Akash, Mini, Priyal, Shilpa, Divya, Surbhi A, Nikita, Niall, Kalpana, Pooja S, Sachin and last but not the least The Surana’s. Will miss you people. Don’t call me if some problem occurs :P Koi miss hogaya ho toh maafi.

Just a thought

Well, it’s just a thought based upon the event which, as we speak, has happened to Jaipur. .The fire at the IOC Depot. Just for the fans of yours truly, here are some fun facts. The place Sitapura which is seeing the fire, is the place I have spent 4 years of mine. My college is hardly 3 Km away from the Depot. There are in fact about 25 educational institutes including 16-17 Engineering colleges. To make matter worse, there are 2 more depot. One of them carrying LPG. But they are at a safe distance. No more worries.

I swear by solved University exam papers book that every bloody engineer who is or has been out there wished that this would happened to my/their college instead of the depot. I hope the same but I hope no human should be there when that day comes. Anyways, there was a certain report in the newspaper yesterday. It went like this:

“The garden was within the 3 Km range of the IOC Oil Depot. The baraat had just entered the premises. The groom with all his laare lashkaares was moving forward to have his seat, right there at the podium. Suddenly a bright flashy orange light appeared which turned the dark sky almost into a day. Within milliseconds they heard deafening sound of a blast. Without seeing any aav-taav, everybody ran! People had realized that it was something big. Although, they were quite far away and were all safe, still, everyone loved their respective lives. The groom who was about to swear to be with the bride for continuous 7 births without fail ran for his own life. He just ran, and did not care about anything, forgetting his yet to be wife.“

Even if you have missed the last lines rhyme, the moral of the story is as simple as understanding Raj Thakrey's strategy: When you are in trouble what you will do? Watchya gonna do brother? Watchya gonna do?

We all boast about how much we love our close ones. We can do anything for the people we love. Really? Do we? Bhagwan na kare, if one has fallen into some big time life threatening trouble along with some loved ones, I am sure sometimes think that people go to save their own lives first. So idiotic to believe that but you tend to lose confidence in the world as you grow up. Without being controversial, I would go on to say that even people in army will do that. What I mean is this, suppose you are a hot blooded jawan ready to do anything for the motherland, anything for the country, take 100 lives or give yourselves away. If by chance, a situation arises when you have choices to make to either save yourself or save an unknown civilian person which you hardly know. Will you save him/her? Obviously you should and you will give your 100% to bring back the needy one out of threat. But will you give your life away for him? Out of a million one may be patriotic enough to give his life for the motherland. I don’t think many people do that. Personally I believe that giving life away to do something is the most stupidest thing human life form can think of. That explanation will be given in some other post some other day, if we live BTW.

Everybody comes across traffic accidents. If you haven’t come across, I wish you stay safe and you never come across any accident forever. However, how many of us will stop and take the victim to the hospital. How many of you will help an old lady to cross the road. People make big comments about their friendships and what not? How many keep their word? To about 95% of the human race, their own life comes first. Then comes the very closed one's and then comes the worry about the money, honey!

I wish I am wrong. People still do help others.

This is the view from the roof of my house on 31st Oct. 2009 6:30 PM.

I live 12 Kms away and its been 2 nights and 1 day.

W32.Limelight.AB

Happy Diwali to all }:-) Now bahut Diwali hogayi. Let's get serious. :P

2 days back, I met with my school mates in a get-2-gather in an aiwehi food court organized by someone who is going to get married soon. No this post is not neither about marriage, nor about my school mates who are still as beep as they were earlier. There were 2 astrologers sitting there with a board in front of them. They were not like the usual Jyotishi with parrots or a board saying 5 rupee main Kismat dekhiye (Saath main ek joote ki boot polish muft). They were so called high class astrologers. One was a chikna ghada.. bole toh complete bald with the head shining brightly. He did not say or ask me anything. There was another lady.. Yes I will call her lady since I saw her in lights. Had I seen her in dark, my khayalaat would have been slightly traumatic. She was probably some tarot card reader and she was dressed accordingly. She was not bad actually but her hair were little strange as if shock laga laga laga shock laga sort of. As my school mates population was increasing every 5 minutes, we suddenly felt short of chair. Being a gentleman and well behaved wonder kid I am, I gave my chair to some needy and went to the Tarot Shock Aunty and asked, “Can I take this chair?” She sternly said “No.” Huh. Mannerless astrowoman!

Now point is not as bakwas the above over described not-so-exciting-incident, point is that do you people believe in this stuff? Astrology and tantrik culture? As far as I am concerned, I am half atheist, half believer and bacha hua superstitious. Sorry maths kharab hai meri. I do read my daily horoscope and I forget it after reading. Today’s was little strange. It said something like “Today is a great day for you to step into limelight.” Limelight ki aisee ki taisee, today was disastrously horrifically awkwardly weird yet funny.

Hua yeh ki, yesterday many computers of my office fell prey to W32.iMaut.cn. Arey wahi aapka, sirf aapka aur sirf sirf aapka Virus. Saath main Trojan horse, worms, spyware and adware ko le aaye! So, there was some tectonic hulchals at my workplace. Y2A being the most smart of the lot was asked to copy paste stuff from here to there using a dhuli hui I mean a clean pen drive. Now (without making fun of computer illiterate people in spite of burning desire) if you have slight idea about pen drives, you should know that they fell prone to viruses easily. So I first had to format the pen drive using TEN TEDEN boss’s computer. Kasam bhavani ki, probably it was just a mistake/ accident/buri kismet which led to me format a Logical partition of boss’s computer. Which I still cannot believe. Probably I had deleted a logical drive by mistake. That drive contained all the important files which one can have. (Why do these things happen by my holy hands only?) All the family pictures, office documents, salary sheets and what not. And I did not realize that till today when boss asked me whether I had done some quick formatting or not. Limelight huh! Now he could have thrown me out of the door right away but after all even he knew that this could be just an accident. So I was spared!

But thankfully to mere fans ki duaayein, all the data had been recovered now using an odd 80$ Data Recovery Software. AB bus bhagwan se praarthna karo ki yeh cost meri salary se na kat lia jaaye.. (Which will not happen waise }:- )

Stay Lazy Stay Lavish

Watch out for those spiders there, dear reader. I am sorry for not posting off late to anyone who decided not to eat anything till they read new Slog. You can break your fast for today since I am back yet again (Has anybody counted how many times have I came back?). You can do another fast tomorrow being a Karwachauth for me, I don't mind.

Well, I have reached to a conclusion that the more you write the more interesting you become. If you avoid blogging, you can become seriously short of ideas. So anyone suffering from writer's block, cm'on, post anything. When I can do, you surely can.

Well, life on the professional front turned into 'boringer' to 'boringest' recently. So I finally decided to do something about it. I will let you know pretty soon. Shh till then..

Khabar main toh yeh hai ki, one of my very best friends got married. He is the first among people of my age group in my circle of friends who took this giant leap for mankind. I have got 2 words for him. No not those ones. I heel 'Happy' and 'Worried' for him. I feel Happy because he (who is a very skinny guy) will now be subjected to some cholesterol free oil to have him increase some fat which will be in the food his wife will cook for him. Settle hogaya chhora! Secondly I feel little worried. Worried because the frequency of words coming out of his mouth and that peculiar shrillness in his voice has decreased considerably. Call it the coming of age, nervousness because of the new life or sudden loss of freedom. Anyways, my best wishes and aashirwad to him although I am 10 days younger than him if you so much interested in chronic-stats. Sometimes I also feel a bit jealous. He must have got so many gifts Man!! What were you thinking? huh?

Girl, if you want to propose me right away, halt and take an about turn*. Whats the hurry*? Marriage is far away for me as much as Sachin Tendulkar is from retirement*. Although some kids in my colony called me uncle (and its my respect for Gandhi Ji's non-violence that I haven't abducted them for revenge and ransom), still I feel that one should do the dew only when he/she can watch his own clothes. That is, to take such a responsibility takes some courage. Its not any piece of clothing that you can try and put off if it doesn't fits. Its in fact a sort of bungee jump where you know that you are flying in the air but its also a fact that your legs are tied to a rope and you are in fact falling. }:-| What kind of comparison was that? That proves I am yet to grow!

Being committed might be fun but being single (and disease free) has its own charm. You can eat anything, if it spills on your clothes who cares: Mummy and Ariel zindabad, sluuurrrrp your maggie with pride, watch any girl, pick your nose anytime and do whatever you want.. So till some hormones get desperate, why not stay lazy, stay lavish?

* - As if you really are interested.* - hurry can be inserted if the proposal is sent with an email declaration involving a document stating the girl's father's Income Tax Paid this year. * - Sachin is not going to retire soon.. is he? }:-|

How to Infect Guys with Sensitive Nose - 1

Not all are same. Some people are different. Some can even eat live Octopuses and some have Arachnophobia i.e. fear of spiders. Some can play quizzes on Facebook all day and some don't even understand what bala Facebook is. Some have strong arms and some people's nose is too sensitive. Anyway, talking of sensitive nose let me guide you to a small tutorial on how to infect people with sensitive noses to cold and flu.

1. First of all you need to have very bad body odour. If you are regular in taking baths daily and take care of your hygiene, in short if you are like me or if your body smells like flowers you can skip the tutorial and watch India TV instead.
2. Hunt for mosquitoes. Doesn’t matter if they are dead or alive. They should weigh at least 50 grams.
3. Pick each mosquito with any holder you can arrange and kill the mosquito to death. Do not kill it mercilessly by putting up any of the mosquito repellents. Instead, kill each mosquito by making it listen songs of ‘Radio’. Slow and peaceful death. Mind you, the aatmas of the mosquito may haunt you later by singing songs in different voices.
4. Go to your nearest general store and buy the following items:
   1. 1 ALL-Out Bottle
   2. 1 pack of Kachua Chaap Agarbatti / or Mortien Extra Power
   3. 1 packet of Good Knight, yeah those blue mosquito repellent chips (Haan haan, ab unke neeche sliver foil bhi aatee hai!)
5. Take a mug of water and pour all the dead mosquitoes in it. Now add ALL-Out liquid and please DO NOT TASTE. As per chemistry knowledge of author goes, this will form either a solution or an emulsion or a mixture.
6. Keep crushing the Kachhua Chaap agarbatti till it converts into powdered form. Add the powder into the solution.
7. Remove the silver foil from the Good Knight mat and put atleast 10-20 chips in to the water.
8. Keep the solution still for 2 days and 1 night in your refrigerator and keep any children and pregnant ladies away from it.
9. Filter the solution and separate the left over into another plate.
10. Pour the liquid into Blue colored bottles with sprayers caps. (Mosquitoes get attracted towards the color blue. Say thanks now, I increased your IQ). People from Jodhpur in Rajasthan may have slightly opposite views.

Now how to use the solution to effect. Get sweated up using any means of your choice. Play in the sun, stay put in a dark room or do ahem ahem.. coughs.. anything.

When you are wet and steamy, spray the solution on all the valid and deserving parts of your body as deo or perfume. Dump the semi solid paste till I think what to do with it.

Now the best part. Execution. Go to your office. Even if you are doing this unintentionally, find a innocent guy with sensitive nose whom you find sneezing and coughing more than 6 days a week. Just shake up a bit to spread the smell all over the workplace. You might think that you are smelling your best so always keep the evil grin ON!

The guy with sensitive nose will immediately get infected and because of this allergy to strange smells, he will start sneezing and continue to do so all day and at least 3 day to come.

Mission Accomplished.

P.S.: I have bought a domain name and I will come up with a website soon. If you are a regular visitor and ever paid attention to the header, and if you liked the randomness, pardon me for not making one for this month. Time nahi mila. }:-P